Friday, 30 December 2011

Of All the things lost

When I was small , I used to think that the moon followed my car . I used to constantly pester my parents asking them --'Why is it not leaving yet ? Its been with us for so long , right from the moment we started from our house for my grandparents' .

Grandparents are special . They seem to be a real pro at it . I still remember my granny's smell and how we used to decorate the house in Christmas . Their house was smaller than my father's never-ending mansion . But , nevertheless the warmth and happiness made up for it . Besides , I was too small to understand these things .
As far back as I can remember , almost all the Christmases were spent at my granny's . My granny could cook things out of thin air , not literally , though I believed this to be true as a child . I used to think that if you had wrinkled cheeks and whitish hair and thick glasses on your eyes , you could cook awesome food . Somehow , the theory doesn't go for my Mom . Her stuff remains the same as that I used to have 19 years before . But , my mother is great . And not to be biased , my father too .

I never could mix with my siblings properly , since childhood . As I grew up , I felt it better to mix in the surroundings and crowds . But , somehow people always noticed me in crowds too . Even today , I get so irritated when people call me 'cute' . Sometimes , I think that maybe that is the only reason why teachers chose me as 'class prefect' all my school life . Yea , I could study and maybe I was a little more intelligent than the other boys . But then , studies come to me naturally . My mother had a hell of a time keeping me in 'sitting' position as my elder twin brother went nuts memorizing answers .

Funny this is , but 'nuts' don't have the same meaning to me anymore . I have grown up .

Every Christmas Eve , we 3 brothers pestered our grandparents like greedy gluttons threatening them in our silly childlike tones ----- 'I want gifts , grampa . Otherwise , things won't be good . I tell you ' . And on my part , being the youngest , I'd try to stay awake all night to see if there really was a Santa Claus . Until 10  yrs old , I believed that Santa was my grandpa only . And next morning , after the gifts had been opened with devil smiles and gluttony eyes , I'd sit and wonder how my old grampa made it in one night to give gifts to all the children in the world , traveling miles and yet coming back by morning .
 Christmas was special even though I am a Hindu . Maybe Grampa made in special , somehow , always . My grampa made great food . We'd devour his kebabs and chicken delicacies . Years later , now , when I visit Astor and Park Hotels with my parents , I love the food , but the sophistication and luxuriousness doesn't come with the warmth and love , of which we got extra helpings .

Writing on a blog is easy , coz, I know that my grampa can't handle computers . He's way backdated . So , he'll not get to read this . We men , love to be tough ; softiness embarrasses us . However soft we are inside , we never like to show . So , I win this match too , Grampa , just like you'd let me win all the cricket matches , deliberately missing the catches . Yes , now I know that Christmas isn't about celebrating the birth of Jesus , Christmas is about happiness . That happiness , which I saw in my grandparents' eyes in my childhood . Those smiles , which seem to have faded , as if , they have to really struggle to stretch their wrinkled cheeks now .
My dear Grampa , maybe Christmas will never be the same anymore , what with all the frequent hospital visits and emergency checkups . This part of my life , yes , this small part , remains frozen in time , Grampa .

Sunday, 25 December 2011

From the Granth Sahib

The following piece of work is an english version of a piece from the Granth Sahib , composed by the great poet Kabir which caught my attention the other day .

As the battle-drums reverberate , 
Only the brave ones take position ,
And warriors of spirit advance in the face of death .

He alone is the champion warrior 
Who takes up arms to defend the helpless ,
Unafraid of being slashed to pieces , 
Never abandoning the battlefield .
                                              ---- Kabir
Killer Lines , I say .

The Social Butterfly

Scorpio women are a chapter that no one tries to decipher . It is unthinkable . It is beyond the minimums of the maximums . For he who has done it has solved the ultimate enigma called 'woman' . They are here and yet they are never here . They will kill you with the looks and just after that they will stare at you as if you hold a sevenfold guilty conscience behind the nooks . 
I have just started out with one , and yet ages have gone by , it feels like . So, here's sending out a feeler poem to the undecipherable one . There is mighty reason behind the title of this poem . As follows :

                                                       My Social Butterfly

I will not ask for love and I will not ask for grace
I am that who was here at the dawn of this race
I have seen so much and yet I'm not finished 
My conscience , slashed and battered and beaten , yet famished .

I will play on even after the game is over 
And I will stay there when the paranoia subsides ,
Like you did , you will disappear again after the initial chapters 
But I , I will linger on , as in darkness light lingers .

Whatever happens , I will never call you out 
And whatever happens , I will suppress the urges of doubt 
This is not war .   From the beginning ,
this is me knowing you inside out .

I am burning underneath and yet there is this calmness
If it is courage you think I have , think again
For there is something about it I fail to harness .
Truth be told , it is not me , it is this love that is crazy
See , I am again caught up in the betweens of you and me .

Disclaimer : My language can be somewhat cryptic . Bear with it .

Saturday, 24 December 2011

Your Elusive Admirer

20th December , 2011

He saw her picture for the first time on the chatroom tonight . And , he just knew that he had to talk to her.  But , he was so terrified . And so he worked as hard as he could to approach her , as if he was on the frontlines of battle. And he pushed through the initial awkwardness of the conversations with this stranger .

He wanted to impress her . He wanted to compliment her ----on her looks , her beauty , her mystique eyes which seemed to penetrate right through his soul and read what was going on in his mind . Something was happening , maybe it was the turbulence of the storm outside the window or that which was raging inside him. And he wanted to tell her this . How could he keep himself from not telling her this ? That , maybe there was a connection somewhere , on some level . This was not the first and definitely not the last . 
21st December , 2011
He caught up with her tonight , once more . She was happy , or so he thought . But , that just wasn't enough . He had to go deep within , touch somewhere within her . He was shivering and yet there were the drops on his forehead . His hand was cold as stone , and yet they were typing as if they had a mind of their own . She told him about her life , just a little . About her friends , just a bit . He told him about his life , he poured . He told her about his friends, he never stopped . 
22nd December , 2011

He found her earlier in the evening today . He had just incidentally logged in . She initiated it this time . He was happy . A thousand questions flooded into his mind , chasing one another . Was she enjoying it with him? Could she feel the connection ? Was she giggling at the other end ? What was she doing ? What was she thinking ? And they talked . She left early that night but left her fragrance into the virtual world for him , which he cherished long into the night . He had finally worked up the courage to ask for her facebook address . She sent him a friend request on the social networking site . He was staring at her pictures , all night , tonight .
23rd December , 2011

Today , he was logged into the website all day . He really did not have any friends here . But , he was here just for her . If she logged in sometime , anytime !! He did not study at all today . His folks warned him and left for peace . But , his mind was in turmoil all through the morning .

Its 11.30 pm . And with the lappy by his bedside he is sitting there later tonight , late into the night. Her profile is on the display . And he sits .... and thinks about what he is going to do now . And he sits some more . Ok , I'm gonna do it . Just be cool . Just be yourself . 
And he opens the message-box and types frantically . " Uh ....hey , its me ...uh ...from yesterday . It was nice chatting with you the other night , so , we can do more of this . Lols . I'll be online until 1:00 tonight. Just come , alright . Until later , Bye "

Its 2:00 am now . Still no reply .

Friday, 16 December 2011

Farther Tomorrow

Thoughts come , chase one another and leave in peace . Meanwhile , something that stayed on . 

In the tranquility Of The Woods 
I paint my slumber so deep 
I lose the melody of the moments
And the moments leave in a leap

Other side of darkness , painted in tinted grey
A world within there is , 
Where my banded thoughts lay

I gaze upon the morrow , full of hopes and faith 
Sides apart , they seem like two games of destiny 
                    Between I lie
Holding forth the musings of the moment

There's a bitter chill from within , 
A blinding light eons far
Sharp As the moment and bare As the skin
The path leads on but thus far 


Thursday, 15 December 2011

Bulldoze Through It Scared

Whatever be the path we tread on , obstacles are bound to come . But , withstanding the storm is what will bring us nearer to the success that we had started for , right in the beginning of our journey . And , no matter who you are , no matter where  you are ,or what you have gone through , be proud of it . Life will never give you a second chance to relieve these days . And , maybe one day you will look look back and fondly say " Wow , what an idiot I was to have stopped back there . Life has taken me thus far and farther will I go , I know . " Take pride in how far you have come , and have faith in how far you can go .
There will come harrowing times of disaster and there will come comforting rains . Through it all , what matters is the attitude , you hold yourself too . Maybe , you have just reached the precipice of pain , and you look down to see more of it you have passed through but keep marching on .
Whatever your state of mind is , let it not falter once . Hold your mind to the dream that you wish to see . And , bulldoze through it scared . Tides turn , mornings come .You will find light at the other side . And the comforting rays of the sun against the cold thunderings of the past night will seem nothing but a figment of your imagination .