Sunday, 30 December 2012

A Difficult Analysis

I know you weep, when you turn away in your sleep
I know you die, everytime I look into your eyes and lie
I know a beginning ; far from here
Approaching each day, filling me up with fear .
Inch by inch, gap by gap,
Where you end, I begin
And run to the edge,
To make my leap into that sea
In a fit of rage I fall,
Cursing in murderous rage
And repent again before I sin :
Coz i know how hard it is to stop
Before once again, I start to begin .

With The Flow

Saturday, 29 December 2012

After a sleep

They who have been born amidst hate, find a way to get out of there. Coz, for them destiny has been written like that.
Some people live just to escape from one reality to another. Others follow their footprints to walk back home.

If today was a failure, and justice was a recluse, then its got to show up in future.If sadness was the last choice today, then the heart shall leap in moments of happiness tomorrow. Sometimes choices are already made for us. And we just have to stand up and own up to them; and make peace with the reality we find ourselves in. Keeping in mind the thought that, this reality was a recluse once, and it has fought through a battle of darkness through the night to see the light of day.

It is said..... that time is the widest of oceans. It takes up all our problems and dissolves them in its depth. Those that don't mix in its blueness get lost by sinking in the annals of its darkness. They stay, just like everything else, breathing a death through the existence of their subdued life.

While many find it fascinating to watch , others know that this reality itself is a hypothetical one. Coz, time has never actually shown its face till now. Its like the rest of the solutions that we are in search for--shameless. Never floating up to make its move even under the most trying of circumstances. Coz, time itself is the biggest protege of motion. Its lies low and just drifts away into oblivion....

Monday, 16 January 2012

Confidently Paranoid

Somewhere I have never traveled
And somewhere I will never again ,
Maybe this was  a journey thus far
And maybe this won't ever happen again .

The problem with us is not lack of might ;
The problem in us is the lack of delight
Lost in aloofness and crazy consolations
And in nagging possibilities and justified desolations .

An answer no silence can borne
A preempted journey to destinations unknown .
A pregnant nostalgia of divine devotion ,
The sulking waters in the lake of salvation .

No comfort in competence of capacity
And no aggrement these conventional signs of society send ,
My metaphorical madness mediates the proven
Through spectacles this rooted world has given .

Somewhere far I can see it coming
A strong acquantaince of the inertia setting in ,
Like the end of the earthlings , always strange and poetic
Like the dawn of waltzing life , free and chaotic .


Thursday, 12 January 2012

And I Get Up Again


 The following piece is not mine , just something that was thrown at my way through forces unknown . I hereby produce it .

There comes a time in your life when you finally get it ....
When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!
Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening. You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that there aren't always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.
You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness.
You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.
You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix. You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake. Then you learn about love.
Romantic love and familial love. how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship.
 You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love.... and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms... just to make you happy. And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely...
You make peace with the man in the mirror and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head .You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK.... and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want...and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.
 And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn, that for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve... and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.
You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time... FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening at its own pace , running its own race .
And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to building bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water.
Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever to settle for less than your heart's desire. You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

Tuesday, 3 January 2012

Civilian Tides In My Mind

New Year's Day are meant to be special , they say . I never could understand why and even today I don't. People may say , I am too naive or too dumb but on my part , I have always felt that New Year's Eve were special . 
The night before , when you get to take just one last look at the number of days you lost from your life . Few dreams dreamt , some fulfilled , and maybe some still left to be fulfilled . Some questions answered , some questions just questioned further while some questions just left to themselves to chase one another .

The last day of every year gone by  , has always been special for me . As I left my childhood paradise, maybe the thoughts just became a tad bit heavier . And now that I am forever leaving my teenage years, this makes me a bit overwhelmed . Yes , I'll be 20 in a few days .But as they say , we have to keep on 'keeping on' .
As the days pass by , it seems as if I am losing each day of my life to eternity . As I pen my diary every night, I wonder if my life is getting penned in someone else's diary . The good work that I have done so far , the kindness shown , has all this really been recorded ? Will I really be judged after this life ? Or are these just mere musings of the prophetic souls who as they reach twilight years come to understand that maybe this earth itself was the heaven that they had seeked all throughout ? That , there is really no final confrontation to make . 

Maybe it is hightime , that we understand that it is not really in the afterlife that we should be living . Maybe the heaven and hell is all that we create through our own thoughts . Maybe the adventures of the nights and ponderings of the day all mix up in tandem order to make the journey of life enriching .
As I see my life pass by in front of me , I realize that maybe I am forever here to stay . Because despite whatever that has happened to me , and whatever it is that I have had to go through or what I am going through right now , how can I say that one day I'll die ? How can I say that one day I'll perish ? Despite all the billions and trillions of things that I have felt and experienced so far , how can I accept my end ? There is no end , I have concluded . There can never be an end to me . I am the truth I seek and I am the Infinity. If there is God , then He is in my head . Not in the silly idol worships and farcical , mindless chants that we mango people have to repeat after the holy men , during ceremonies and rituals . Yes , this New Year's Eve I have learnt that I am real . I always was and I always will be .

P S : In keeping with the values and ethics of the SANE 'me' , the INSANE 'me' plonks itself squarely in my mind and declares ------- F**k off . Let the kid live , for Christ's sake .